Girl Next Door

Emmy Rossum was in movies nobody ever saw like Dragonball Evolution but that doesn’t make her any less hot.

Now she is gearing up for another season of the series called “Shameless”. How shameless is it? Well lets just say I have no idea because I’ve never seen the show and feel no shame about it. All I know is Emmy Rossum has done a few racy scenes that make me say wowza. She has that curly brown hair and quite a nice rack to boot. It’s one of these girls that I plan to marry eventually and have way to many kids with.

All I gotta do is make a few movies about superheroes or something an I’ll be well on my way to Hollywood starlet heaven. I mean isn’t that everybodies dream anyways? If it’s not you gotta get a new set of dreams because shacking up with a woman like Emmy Rossum has got to be quite an experience. Of course you gotta get her before she goes all Lindsay Lohan with yellow teeth and weird bruises. I mean what is going on with these women. You would think that htey would have enough money to straighten yourself out.

Guess it’s just proof that you can make a ho into a garden tool. Luckily it seems like Emmy Rossum has a wholesome bit to her so she should try not to do any drugs because that’s how it starts. Till then awesome pics.

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Dun and Dunst

Coming off her not so awesome Film Festival flap Kirsten Dunst is actually getting good reviews for her movie Melancholia.

I am assuming this Kirsten Dunst Melancholia movie based upon women back in the day being bored to death of their husbands and the stuffy lifestyles they had to keep up. I am not sure most people realize this but getting married back in the day basically meant you became the mans property and much like the family cat you are wont to get bored. In fact so bored most of the housewives of the day spent their time wasted out of their mind on “medicine” prescribed by doctors who are the similar to the Anna Nicole Smith drug pushers.

You see once a person gets enough money they get a family doctor. AKA Legal Drug Dealer. Most people don’t realize that nearly all illegal drugs have a synthetic equivalent that is readily available to you through a doctors prescription if you can afford to pay that much. That’s how someone like Michael Jackson is allegedly able to get a drug that is straight up made to put you alseep for surgery and use it like a glass of milk before bedtime. Not saying that is the exact plot to Melancholia but I am sure it pretty much fits this Kirsten Dunst movie.

So remember. If you ever get a ton of money and have to marry some boring jerk just go to the doctor for some “medicine” to help you with that little ailment you are having. Kinda like drugs.

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marry me pls

Gemma Arterton has one of those faces that is super hot but blends into the background of movies like Prince of Persia and Clash of the Titans.

Gemma Arterton kinda looks like that one chick  from the Constant Gardner Rachel Weis but by the time the movie is over you usually don’t care. Especially after movies like Prince of Persia. Sure it was pretty neat up until the end when *spoiler alert* the movie winds up telling you that you that nothing in the past hour actually happened. Well it happened but time got reversed but that still makes me feel like a fool for watching it. Don’t even get me started with Clash of the Titans. Spoiler Alert! Nearly everyone dies.

The two dudes that dipped out before Perseus went to kill Medusa were the smart ones because no one made it out of that mother lover alive except for the hero. I think Gemma Arterton gets killed to but I could be wrong since I only saw that movie once. I would have seen it more time but it sucked so bad compared to the original which I believe was some famous chick I can’t remember got nake in the first 5 minutes.

You can tell the culture has gotten more conservative because the first time I saw that after a few years uncensored I was shocked and delighted at the same time. In an ideal world Gemma Arterton would have been required to go the full monty in order to qualify for the role. One can always dream.

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Sign me up!

Reports have come in that Blake Lively has broken up with Leonardo Dicaprio making her once again available to the general celebrity public.

This Sisterhood of the Fatpants Blake Lively star has skyrocketed to mega fame on the back of a nake picture scandal. As famous as she became from it I am starting to think you can’t really make it big anymore without some kind of picture scandal. That why I recommend ALL female stars send out nake pictures of themselves in defense. The only way to prevent people from seeing you in the buff is to pre-emptively strike and make you own scene.

Afterwards you won’t even believe all the new fans you had even though you have been in mostly chick flicks. After people are able to see the goods they will watch your shows even if it means watching Gossip Girl and being a guy. Blake Lively reportedly broke up with Leo months ago but apparently Leo’s PR department had to make it official so everyone knew he would be slaying the next celebrity starlet any minute now.

Makes you wonder how much longer someone like Leo can keep it up without getting hitched. Hint: FOREVER. That’s why I don’t understand why Blake Lively thought the relationship was going anywhere. She needs to move on to greener pastures and start hooking up with staying power dudes.  Dudes like me

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Mamma Mia

The Office star who played the Pam part of the Iconic Pam and Jim Couple Jenna Fischer has welcomed a new life into the universe with her husband Lee Kirk named Weston Kirk.

Jenna Fischer became a sorta household name after the hilariously funny comedy The Office showed her in a troubled relationship and then eventually moving on with her co-worker Jim Halperin. Now in “Life Imitates Art” style she is having a baby with her husban. No not Jim the other guy. I am not sure what the heck she was doing before the office but I am sure she will be doing plenty after it for the rest of her life. It was a once in a lifetime role that saw her playing the unhappy girl about to get married and go down that path of wedded unbliss.

In a shocking turn of events to no one Jenna Fischer Pam ditched her fiance and started shacking up with Jim in a way that most office romances start. You have the loser stock room guy who takes his girlfriend for granted until it’s too late then winds up losing her to the nice guy who marries and impregnates her. So remember ladies if you are going to get married and feel miserable about it just shack up with the nicest guy you can find around and you will never have to worry about being unhappy again. At least not about the whole crappy marriage thing. Pics.

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